Becoming a single mum by choice: What are the pros and cons?

The most obvious benefit in becoming a single mum is your child and the close bond you will share.

As a single mother by choice, you can spend more one-on-one time with your child and share more experiences that can create a deeper bond between you. Unlike a two-parent family, you are the only one making decisions and navigating your child's life. This often requires open conversations between you and child, which can foster a unique relationship between you.

Being a single parent means you have to make ends meet with just one income. This can be stressful and requires budgeting, planning and mindful spending. But don’t worry if this doesn’t come to you naturally; it’s a skill that can be learned.

In many countries, it is possible to get financial help for single mums. It might also be worth your while to research local charities that help single mothers.

We have compiled a detailed overview on how to prepare financially for solo motherhood on our blog. Read it here.

On the flip side, being the sole decision-maker means you have full control over how you spend your money. You also get to make all the decisions regarding your child’s upbringing, without having to compromise with a partner.

While you avoid disagreements, it can be challenging not to have a partner to discuss big decisions with.

Being a single working mother also means you are alone with all the logistics of family life, juggling childcare, work and household duties.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family and close friends.

Our survival guide contains all our best advice for single mothers. Read it here.

Being a single mother, you don’t have a partner to have a conflict with. You are the only one who makes the rules and routines for your family, and you don’t have to discuss or argue with anyone about your parenting style. This can contribute to a peaceful home, where your child will never witness parents fighting or worry about them breaking up.

Being the only adult in the household can be lonely. You may miss hanging out with friends without your child and having a romantic connection. Finding love as a single mum can feel difficult, as limited time to yourself can make dating and starting a new romantic relationship complex – but definitely not impossible. It is important that you prioritise your own needs; Your child does not need a self-sacrificing martyr - he or she needs a happy mother.

Solo mums are often very good at connecting with each other. Whether through social media or local mother groups, it can be very rewarding to make new friends who understand and share your experience.

These new friendships can be a great source of support and inspiration, and for some it’s a valuable place to have discussions about parenting, that others would have with a partner or co-parent.

Your child will also benefit from having friends who has a similar family structure.

Even today, some people harbour prejudice toward women choosing solo motherhood. Even the ones who are accepting of your family can have presumptions that you may have to correct – i.e. that you are divorced or widowed, that having a child alone was a sad experience, and so forth.

This can be frustrating. We recommend that you find a balance between setting boundaries and being open. For instance, maybe you don’t have to explain your views on being a single mother to a random person on the internet, whereas openness with parents and staff at your child’s daycare can make life easier in the long run.

Read more about how other donor-conceived families handle other people’s comments here.

Choosing a life as a single mother is taking your destiny into your own hands rather than waiting for something that may or may not happen. This powerful action allows you to live life on your own terms, which can give you newfound confidence and self-respect.

No one can answer this question but you. In the end, you have to go with your gut-feeling.

From what we hear from our community, one of the biggest single-mother-by-choice regrets is not making the decision sooner.

Having a child is both the most rewarding and the most challenging experience of your life, with or without a partner. While it won’t always be easy, you will find new meaning with your life and experience love in a way you never have before.